"Some days the sky's so blue I feel like I can talk to you. I know I might sound crazy. It ain't fair you died too young, like a story that had just begun but death tore the pages all away. God knows how I miss you, and all the hell that I've been through just knowing no one can take your place. Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today."


I heard this song on the radio today and it made me stop and think. There aren't many days that go by that I don't think about the people in my life that I've lost that I miss on a constant basis. Most have lived good full lives and I thank God that they had the opportunity to touch my life and share their experiences and their wisdom with me. I've also had people in my life that were taken way too early for my liking.


My sophomore year of college a friend of mine I knew in high school was killed in car accident. Chelsea and I weren't exceptionally close but I considered her a friend. Playing softball with her was one of the best experiences of my life and I will never forget her helping me learn to bunt. She and my sister were really close and when I was going through some hard times in high school I knew that my sister and her friends (Chelsea and a few others that I thank God for all the time as well) would have my back. So when I got the news that Chelsea had passed away everything I knew was different. At 19, someone that I was close to had lost their life. I was 19 and I had no idea what I was doing-I had a general idea of what I wanted to do after college but I honestly felt like I was wasting time just trying to figure it out. I thought that I should have a better understanding because she had her opportunity taken away from her. I was angry that she was gone, sad for her family and friends, and confused that someone who had seemed so invincible in high school was no longer around. I lost myself somewhere along the way, unsure of how to go on when someone so young had lost their life. However, I've found my way and am at a place where I am myself again.

Now, two years later and having just marked Chelsea's 22nd birthday, I find myself smiling now rather than crying when I think of her. I find myself missing the days of playing softball whereas before I had trouble even walking on a softball field after her accident. I find myself looking at pictures from those days and talking to my sister about how she and Chelsea always had my back.

College has taught me that moving on doesn't mean forgetting. In my four years of college I have lost a few people and it always makes me sad, but I think I'm finally understanding that the best thing I can do is live my life to the fullest and experience everything my Grandaddy did, and all the things that Chelsea won't get the chance to. I can live for me and for her, and I can carry her with me.

The chorus posted at the top of this post is from Kenny Chesney's song "Who You'd Be Today." Hearing this song reminded me once again how shaped I am by music. As I am getting ready to graduate college I find myself thinking about Chelsea wondering who she would be and what she would be doing with her life-I frequently think that about the people I knew in high school and the ones I have met in college I didn't keep in touch with. Sometimes I wonder who they are today and I wonder what their life would be like. I haven't heard this song for close to three years-since before Chelsea's accident. Hearing it today was a breath of fresh air that carried heartache on it's wings-I think I physically felt my heart ache. But I KNOW-without a doubt-that I needed to hear it.

I hope some of you feel the same way about music that I do-that it can change your mood in an instant and one song can impact you for a lifetime.