"Bright Morning Stars"

This post is different than my other posts. While I will incorporate music, I actually want to talk about a television show I watch.

I have been watching "Army Wives" since the show premiered five years ago. I was a senior in high school and from the beginning I was hooked. I was curious to see how the spun the tale of being in the army, considering I have family members who serve or have served in the past. For the most part (yes, it is a television show so they add stuff for drama) it seems to be what I would picture military life like for the spouses (non-military) back home.

Last night was the fourth episode of the 5th season. And it was hands down one of the best things I have ever seen on television. One of the main wives, Denise Sherwood, is told that her son Jeremy was Killed in Action. To make matters worse, his fiancee Tonya here's the news at the exact same time--for they were at a wedding shower for Jeremy and Tonya. Throughout the episode, we see how Denise's friends and family cope and lean on each other during this extremely difficult time. We see how Frank, Jeremy's father who is also deployed, comes home with his son's body and has the difficult task of trying to keep it together for the military, for his wife, and for his family. We see other families trying to grasp the awfulness and come to terms with the fact with the fact that they could lose a loved one at any time due to war.

I have only been to one military funeral in my life, and that was my great-grandfathers. It was different automatically because he was not killed in action but rather lived a full long life and passed away at a ripe old age. This episode was hard to watch with my cousin deploying in a month--I pray every day and night that nothing happens to him but we are not guaranteed that. Last night's episode snapped me back into reality, believe it or not, to how fragile life can be. And how it doesn't matter if you're just about to get married, or if you've just had a baby, or if you've just lost a loved one. Life doesn't work out like we plan sometimes, and that's the hardest thing to face.

I've heard people saying all across the internet this morning that it was not a good show and that the writers should have been more respectful to the military and the spouses who do face these tragic circumstances. Honestly, I think it was very well acted and written and beautifully done. While it wasn't the easiest thing to see and definitely had me crying the whole time, to me (even though I have always been a fan) for the first time the show actually brought a sense of reality to it. These five women have all been on post together for five years--they've made several comments how that doesn't usually happen yet it doesn't seem like any of them are going anywhere anytime soon. So to have something so realistic, where someone who was just beginning life is cut down and loses his life, it definitely made me see how hard and noble and heartbreakingly beautiful being in the army can be sometimes.

I wanted to thank everyone, especially my Uncle Ed, my Aunt Renea, and my cousin Ben for serving currently in the military. I am so honored to have you in my life and I am so grateful for you to be willing to fight for our country. Thank you to my mom who was int the army, my grandfather, and my great-grandfather who all came back safely. Thank you for your service and showing me how awesome serving in our military can be.

At the end of the episode, there is a song played "Bright Morning Stars" and it's beautiful. There is a little bit of music throughout the episode, but at the end when Denise and Frank are standing by their son, the haunting words of this song just bring it all the more to focus how life in the military works--sometimes you lose loved ones and sometimes you have to experience the loss. I'm grateful I haven't lost anyone. Thank you, Army Wives, for putting together such a brilliant show.

"Some days the sky's so blue I feel like I can talk to you. I know I might sound crazy. It ain't fair you died too young, like a story that had just begun but death tore the pages all away. God knows how I miss you, and all the hell that I've been through just knowing no one can take your place. Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today."


I heard this song on the radio today and it made me stop and think. There aren't many days that go by that I don't think about the people in my life that I've lost that I miss on a constant basis. Most have lived good full lives and I thank God that they had the opportunity to touch my life and share their experiences and their wisdom with me. I've also had people in my life that were taken way too early for my liking.


My sophomore year of college a friend of mine I knew in high school was killed in car accident. Chelsea and I weren't exceptionally close but I considered her a friend. Playing softball with her was one of the best experiences of my life and I will never forget her helping me learn to bunt. She and my sister were really close and when I was going through some hard times in high school I knew that my sister and her friends (Chelsea and a few others that I thank God for all the time as well) would have my back. So when I got the news that Chelsea had passed away everything I knew was different. At 19, someone that I was close to had lost their life. I was 19 and I had no idea what I was doing-I had a general idea of what I wanted to do after college but I honestly felt like I was wasting time just trying to figure it out. I thought that I should have a better understanding because she had her opportunity taken away from her. I was angry that she was gone, sad for her family and friends, and confused that someone who had seemed so invincible in high school was no longer around. I lost myself somewhere along the way, unsure of how to go on when someone so young had lost their life. However, I've found my way and am at a place where I am myself again.

Now, two years later and having just marked Chelsea's 22nd birthday, I find myself smiling now rather than crying when I think of her. I find myself missing the days of playing softball whereas before I had trouble even walking on a softball field after her accident. I find myself looking at pictures from those days and talking to my sister about how she and Chelsea always had my back.

College has taught me that moving on doesn't mean forgetting. In my four years of college I have lost a few people and it always makes me sad, but I think I'm finally understanding that the best thing I can do is live my life to the fullest and experience everything my Grandaddy did, and all the things that Chelsea won't get the chance to. I can live for me and for her, and I can carry her with me.

The chorus posted at the top of this post is from Kenny Chesney's song "Who You'd Be Today." Hearing this song reminded me once again how shaped I am by music. As I am getting ready to graduate college I find myself thinking about Chelsea wondering who she would be and what she would be doing with her life-I frequently think that about the people I knew in high school and the ones I have met in college I didn't keep in touch with. Sometimes I wonder who they are today and I wonder what their life would be like. I haven't heard this song for close to three years-since before Chelsea's accident. Hearing it today was a breath of fresh air that carried heartache on it's wings-I think I physically felt my heart ache. But I KNOW-without a doubt-that I needed to hear it.

I hope some of you feel the same way about music that I do-that it can change your mood in an instant and one song can impact you for a lifetime.